May we Meet again
by curliecues
Summary: The season 2 Bellarke goodbye in heartbreaking detail. T for one bad word lol


**I recently finished rewatching Season 1 and 2 (because this hiatus is not so slowly killing me) and after seeing Season 3 Bellarke, I just needed to annotate the season 2 finale interaction. It's just so powerful and when I sat down to write it I just couldn't write a version where Clarke went into camp because her character development was really well written in Season 2 and I genuinely agreed that she wouldn't have been able to see everyones faces everyday. So anyway I'm rambling and here is my story :)))))**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own the 100 or the characters**

The grass crunched under their heavy feet. The walk back from Mount Weather had been a triumphant one, delinquents reuniting with their parents, the sound of drilling long gone. However, the actions committed to gain this victory were not lost on Clarke. She marched behind the others, the last one to leave the mountain. The last to see the mutated corpses of the innocent. And she will be the last to forget the lives she decided to take in order to save those of her people. She holds her head high, mentally trying to justify what she did, but falls short as she sees the love between Arc parents and children, knowing that the Mountain Men will never experience that again. She tries to blink back the tears she knows are bound to come. About a few feet from Camp Jaha, she stops. At this point she knows shes not going in, especially as she sees Monty, poor, loyal Monty, reach for her. How could she drag him into this? She was a monster, no; she was a leader. A leader who carries the burden so her people don't have to, so Monty doesn't have to. She squeezes him tight, trying to convey all her thanks into the embrace and then its over. Probably the last interaction between them, for she is not coming back. She'll come back when shes healed, when she can sleep at night, when she doesn't see Maya's limp body cradled in Jasper's arms. As she nods her last farewell to Monty, she allows herself to realize she'll never forgive herself. Her mind is frantically thinking of a strategy to survive, a list of places she can go, when she sees him. Hes walking towards her, the weight of all the pressure she thrust on him evaporating. He seems lighter and she knows that what she says next will break his heart.

"I think we deserve a drink." That one line and she knows she won't be able to walk away from him without leaving a part of herself behind. She cant help thinking back to the dropship days, when there were no innocent lives to sacrifice, no morally challenging decisions to make, when Bellamy had first told her she needed a drink. She noted the pronoun change. She knew he would try and share her burden, since he pulled the lever with her. Yet the decision was hers. The conviction was hers. The burden was for her and her alone. She could feel the tears coming. She couldn't look at him when she replied,

"Have one for me." He still wasn't facing her. He still thought this was a ruse, a shield. He thought she was hiding behind her leadership role, the one Lexa had built up with lessons of ruthlessness and suppressed emotion. He thought he could fix her, could fix this mess. He would be disappointed.

"Hey," he began gruffly, "we can get through this." Clarke felt like her immune system was shutting down, that's how much this conversation was hurting her. She didn't want him to see the tears, the internal struggle she was having, because if he saw, he would think he stood a chance. That she would somehow move on from within Camp Jaha. She shook her head slightly, eyes focused on the ground,

"I'm not going in." As she said it she knew it was true. Her mind was made. As her heart crumpled, Clarke felt as if her head were expanding, the thumping of the blood flowing to her brain getting louder, as if reassuring her that she had made the more logical decision. She focused again on the people within Camp Jaha, already resuming what to them would be their new status quo. She looked at all their smiling faces and a voice in her head told her 'you made the right call'. It was that morally gray thought that was forcing her to not run into her mother's arms, to be coddled and told everything was alright. She deserved this penance. Bellamy hadn't responded yet, she knew this was a blow to him. She wished she didn't have to deal it. Quietly Bellamy said,

"Clarke, if you need forgiveness," his eyes frantically searched hers for some sign of second thoughts, "I'll give that to you." His voice was deep with emotion, his words were only meant for her. Clarke looked at him, at the man she sent on a suicide mission because 'love is weakness'. She wanted to hold him, to sob against his tired chest and never let go. Losing him was not an option and she was only able to leave now because she knew he'd recover. Eventually. Bellamys eyes bore deeper into hers. He leaned forward, shifting his weight even closer to her, pouring his heart into the words, "you're forgiven." She had to come inside, he couldn't do this without her. She was determined to remain strong, she had hurt him thus far, why stop now. She glanced again at her people, squinting as the sun gazed at her almost as intently as Bellamy was. He felt as if he were trembling, his body not able to handle the raw emotion he felt. He had never been this vulnerable with her, he was about to open himself up,

"Please come inside." He implored her. He wanted to kneel and beg her to just trust that he could heal her wounds, as she did his. He needed her, in a way that was different from how she needed him. He knew she was strong but she was so determined to do everything on her own that she often neglected letting people in, even if she knew that it would probably help her heal faster. But to her, that was cutting corners. She needed to heal away from it all, on her own. Bellamy sharing the burden wasn't fair and wasn't justified. He made his peace with himself, with slight nudges from her, but now it was time for his final nudge. She could feel the conversation ending when she stated,

"Take care of them for me." As she turned to look at him Bellamy recognized the look in her eyes. The look that signaled her mind was made up, her emotions locked up and stored for a rainy day. It was all business, nothing personal. His face feel, he needed to get back to her.

"Clarke-" he didn't need to go on as Clarke's façade went down as quickly as it went up. She knew why she was leaving, she just didn't think she'd spell it out for him while on the verge of tears.

"Seeing their faces everyday, it's just going to remind me of what I did to get them here." Immediately he responded with,

"What we did," his big brown eyes dared her to look away, "you don't have to do this alone." She gave a small smile. He was so good to her, good to all of them. That's why she felt like she could leave and that Camp Jaha wouldn't turn to shit. She thought with her head, he thought with his heart. Together they were unstoppable, but she knew he would manage without her.

"I bear it so they don't have to." Her eyes glistened with tears and her lip was on the verge of trembling. They were nearing the end, she could feel it, Bellamy's faith in his ability to convince her wavering. As his face feel even farther, she knew he had accepted it. She prepared for the walk away from him, so different from her sprint to embrace him all those days ago.

"Where you gonna go?" A valid question, one she wished she had an answer to. Now that he had given up, she felt comfortable showing her wariness, her hesitation as she genuinely had no idea. No mission to complete, at least externally.

"I don't know." As Bellamy tried to think of something to say, something that would convey the depth of his feelings to her, Clarke beat him to it. Unable to keep herself away from him any longer, she leaned in and kissed him on the cheek, holding him to her as she tried to keep it together. Bellamy tried to register that it was happening, she was leaving them, she was leaving him. He pressed his hand against her back lightly, still not comprehending that this was their last interaction for an indefinite amount of time.

"May we meet again." It sounded slightly nasally as the tears were coming, her sinuses clogging as her body broke down. She held him for one more minute, pressing her lips against her shoulder for just a moment before forcing herself to leave his arms. Bellamy's defeated eyes were too much for her and then she was walking away. Toward what she didn't know. Bellamy continued to stand there, body still tingling from contact with Clarke, and he knew he should of held on tighter. He let out a shuddering sigh as he turned to watch her walk away from him, her posture strengthening the farther she got. He couldn't believe she was leaving, but he knew she would come back, that he would see her again. He had to. As if reaffirming her sentiment he nodded to himself.

"May we meet again."


End file.
